The universe brought me to my knees
I haven’t posted on here for ages. It just wasn’t my priority. Then today, I found myself typing out an email and thought, this is a Substack! So here I am 💫
I’m sitting here at the driving range café, eating a cheese and ham toastie with homemade chips — so good 😋 The older two are hitting balls, fully immersed in their latest obsession: GOLF! ⛳️ It’s giving me a moment to catch up on work stuff.
Truthfully, I haven’t been doing much — as per my last few emails, chronic fatigue and illness have dominated everything recently. 😞
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After deciding to press pause for the summer to recover from whatever was going on, I thought I was resting… I even went to the gym, was given a great new routine — and then smashed it out the very next day 😅 because I didn’t want to forget it. Totally overdid it.
I was more tired than ever — even though I really enjoyed the gym and the post-workout glow.
Fast forward a few days, and Adam suggests a bike ride. I combine it with an outdoor swim at the local lido 💦 We cycle there, I have a little splash around, then we set off on what was meant to be an ‘easy’ local ride...
LOL.
Adam takes me down a steep, rocky track. It’s really hard to navigate. I nearly make it — the end is in sight — and then, BAM. I go flying over the handlebars 😬
Landed straight on my knee. Wailed and snotty-cried like a baby. Blood pouring out. I got so mad at Adam, who tried to get me to walk. I just couldn’t.
We were really high up, off a country lane, on a bridleway of sorts. We had to call an ambulance — no other option 🚑 Just then, by total chance, Stan’s teacher for next year appeared with her husband! They sat with me while Adam raced home on his bike to get the Land Rover, since the ambulance ETA was an hour. I don’t remember much of the conversation, but I do remember the pain 😖
Eventually, my knee was cleaned and glued up, and I inhaled an entire canister of gas and air 😵💫 It definitely helped with the pain… though it also sparked a bit of reflection on my penchant for mind-altering substances!
Under the influence, I decided not to get an X-ray — the paramedics didn’t think it was broken. But the next day (and night) were so painful. I cried through it, gutted to miss out on a social event I was really looking forward to.
I went for an X-ray the following day — thankfully, no break. But I’ve now been referred to Orthopaedics and have an MRI next week. The likely outcome? Damaged tendon. Possibly surgery, possibly just physio. 🩼
It’s hard to walk, though I can now. I asked my mum to stay another week and help, which she happily did 💕
Honestly, I’ve mostly just eaten and cooked these past few days — the only things I could really do. I’ve been properly out of action. Yesterday was my first outing: hobbling around Chesterfield Park, then even a visit to the pub later on 🍻
Today? Sober reset. No self-hate. Just compassion for what’s been a really tough few days ❤️🩹
I’ve put on what feels like a lot of weight in just five days. Isn’t midlife great?! 🤪
My mobility has been seriously impacted. It’s been depressing at times. I’ve worried about my yoga teaching career 😔
But… there have been positives.
I found out Mercury was still in retrograde when all this happened. People blame it for tech fails and disruptions — but actually, it’s about stopping. Reflecting. Reassessing. Pausing to audit 🔄
And that’s what I’ve done.
I even asked ChatGPT for an astrological reading (and a symbolic meaning for the injury) — and it told me the universe had literally brought me to my knees, to STOP and look inward 🌀
Here’s what came up for me:
✨ I need — and want — to be looked after
✨ I have worthiness wounds around this
✨ I think I’m resting… but I’m not
✨ I love yoga — and I was scared of losing it
I haven’t enjoyed resting. But it’s given me a chance to stop, look around, and be grateful.
Grateful for my mum, who’s looked after me so lovingly — even when I’ve been a pain in the ass 🙃 Grateful for my husband, despite his tendency to think things are never as bad as I say they are 🙄
That, in itself, was a talking point — I explained how it makes me feel when I perceive that he minimises my pain. And then, yesterday, I noticed how when my son fell, we all rushed to say, “You’re OK! Get up!”
💡 Lightbulb moment.
Why do we do that?
We want it all to be OK. We want the person (physically, emotionally, metaphorically) to bounce back, because seeing them hurt makes us uncomfortable. But maybe what we need is to sit beside them and say, “Oh honey, this is hard. I’m here.” 🫶
It’s not always helpful to say “you’re OK” — even if we mean well. It can be a kind of gaslighting. We need to listen more. Witness more. Honour what is.
So yes, I’ve learned a lot this past week.
Today, August 1st, feels like a reset. I booked in with a new sober coach, just to keep me on track. There doesn’t have to be a rock bottom to say:
👉 “I want a healthy life.”
👉 “I need more support.”
In my rest, I’ve realised: I want a simple life. One where I use my skills to help others — and get paid fairly for that. 🙏
I’m dreaming up a funded programme for ND teens and their parents who are out of school. I’m thinking creatively about how to do my work in ways that nourish me. I’m in a season of unmasking 🪄
Autism? I’m not sure. ADHD — definitely. And that’s enough to need support.
I don’t have to “prove” anything. I’m attracting amazing ND women, witchy women, and I feel like it’s a really powerful time in my life. 🧙♀️💫
My ND kiddo is teaching me daily (🙃) how to be calmer, more forgiving, more present.
I’m letting go of perfectionism. Accepting that I need help — with cleaning, with life, with boundaries. Accepting that marriage is hard. That people aren’t perfect. But if your heart is good, it’s enough ❤️
This knee injury? Honestly… it’s made me feel blessed.
If you have someone who shows up for you in your hour of need — you are blessed.
If you have mobility — you are blessed.
If you have something you miss when you can’t do it — you are blessed to have found that thing. And blessed that the loss is only temporary 💫
Ways to connect with me right now:
🌿 Local teaching relaunching in September — keep an eye on my website for details plus news on my funded project for ND teens
📺 Watch my YouTube — more ADHD content coming soon, including my ADHD Holistic Toolkit with yoga + chatty vids
🌊 My Cornwall luxury alcohol-free retreat still has spots! Secure yours with a £500 deposit
🎁 Grab my Inner Peace for ADHD Minds freebie — a 7-day video course on creating a calming morning routine
Thanks for reading, as always 🤍
Let me know if you relate — I’d love to hear from you.